John Strockmeyer, aka Stroker - An ex-mattress salesman turned private investigator, Stroker is largely apathetic to his job; he only enjoys it because it allows him to shoot people, and because it brings him into contact with dozens of promiscuous women on a daily basis (Although those women usually want nothing to do with him). Although he considers himself an excellent detective and suave ladies' man, Stroker is actually a failure and a deadbeat; his wife left him and gained sole custody of their son, Keith, and Stroker's own incompetence and negligence resulted in his former partner, Jermaine, is murdered while working a case (Stroker borrowed the magazine from Jermaine's gun and forgot to tell him). Once in a while, Stroker will have a moment of being a genuine detective (such as successfully deducing the plot behind the lottery ring run by the ghosts of Christmas past (Jermaine), present and future), although these moments are incredibly rare. An incompetent detective, Stroker often meets with opportunities while on a case that would provide a more lucrative career. An advertising campaign pitched for a fabric softener was chosen over others to be shown during the Super Bowl. In another instance, despite being brainwashed, Stroker and Hoop were part of an insanely popular pornographic video series.

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